6 months ago today was the last time I woke up in my own bed. It was the last time I saw my home. It was the last time I drove my own truck (Thanks John and Leslie for taking such good care of it!!). It was the last time my life was in any way "normal".
Now, in the grand scheme of things, 6 months is not a long time but when you're taken from all you know and those you love, it is an eternity. It has gone by very quickly in some respects, but in others time seems to stand still.
It is amazing to me, as I knew it would be, to look back on all that I once took for granted and compare those things to all the "little" things that I now look forward to.
I used to dread having to "work" (i.e. sitting around a fire station and on occasion, flying a helicopter) 7 whole days in a row. Now I work 9 or 10 days in a row and consider myself lucky.
I used to think that 7 days off in a row was normal. Now I'm happy just to have one day off.
I used to complain about having to go to the grocery store. Now I only wish I could select my own groceries.
I used to complain about occasionally having to cook. Now, it would be an unheard of luxury to actually be able to cook your own meals (microwaves dont count).
I used to leave Jaislyn in daycare because it was easier to run my errands by myself. Now, I would do anything to spend just 5 minutes with her or Jamie.
I used to call my parents two or three times a week, because I let myself get too "busy" to call every day. Now, talking to them, Jamie and Jaislyn is the highlight of my day and I wish I could call two or three times per day, no matter how busy I am.
I used to drive everywhere, no matter how close the destination, and usually I found it inconvenient. Now I walk a mile and a half round trip to work and I don't even notice.
I used to see dogs and cats and never give them a second look. Now, seeing a dog is reason to go out of my way to pet it (there aren't any dogs here on base aside from MP dogs, but occasionally the USO brings a therapy dog for a visit...funny what something as simple as petting a dog can do for morale).
I used to pass all sorts of lush greenery every day without notice. Now, we plant small (1'x3') patches of grass outside our rooms and call them "lawns" and people will stop, look and admire.
I would occasionally hear birds chirping outside, but didn't give them a second thought. Now, I love hearing the sparrows chirping in the morning because it reminds me of home.
Simple things like changing radio stations, or having more than 6 TV channels, or being able to take a shower by yourself without having to wear flip-flops, or go more than 2 miles from your home whenever you wanted... I used to take it all for granted. Now, I'll listen to the radio station they broadcast on the TV guide channel, just because it's a radio station. I'm happy to have any sort of TV, because occasionally they show something new (LOTS of reruns of reruns). I am thankful we have any showers, because there are lots of people who don't. I'm also more than happy to stay safely within the confines of my base, because I realize that there are thousands who only wish they didn't have to venture outside "the wire" every day.
I know that when I return home, I will likely eventually lose sight of these things and once again I will take them for granted, but hopefully when I read this blog it will remind me of how precious even the simplest of daily activities really are, and how we need to cherish those around us at every opportunity we're given.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
People are People
Before I came to Iraq, my experiences with foreign cultures and peoples was limited to what I'd experienced growing up in Los Angeles, and on a few short trips to Canada, Central America and the Carribean. I'd learned more from reading National Geographic than I had thru personal experiences. That has changed, at least a little, and hopefully for the better. I'm starting to understand that no matter where we live, what we believe, or what language we speak, we share more in common than we'd probably like to admit.
Granted, I've also had relatively limited exposure since arriving, but comparitively speaking I've learned lots about people in the last 6 months, and what I've learned has surprised me a little, altho I'm not sure just why.
In the past few months, I've been all over the Middle East (or "Southwest Asia" for the politically correct crowd) to places like Iraq (obviously), Kuwait, Qatar, Bahrain, Turkiye (Correct spelling), Saudi Arabia, Jordan, and Georgia. The one constant I've noticed is that as a whole, people are pretty much the same. While there are some major surface differences in things like religion, moral values, language, dress, etc, when you dig down deep, we're not really all that different. We all have the same wants, needs, desires and dreams. We all need to feel loved, we all need to have someone to love, we all need to feel accepted, we all need to have some sort of hope to cling to, and the list goes on. The differences lie in how we choose or are allowed to go about pursuing those needs, but the needs themselves do not change no matter how some may try to disguise them. We're the same.
In all my travels to all these places I'd never been before, I found it extremely easy to identify things like grocery stores, restaurants, schools, apartment buildings, etc etc. Aside from a different language on the signs (and sometimes not), they looked pretty much the same as back home. Going into a mall in Manama, Bahrain, or Dubai, UAE is almost exactly like going into a mall in any US city. Same stores, same layout, same smells, and people doing the same things. Watching children playing in Tbilisi, Georgia, if you couldn't hear the language they were speaking, you could have easily mistaken them for kids playing in Anytown, USA. So many similarities, and very few differences.
A few days ago, I watched as a father bought his 4 year old daughter her first "big girl" bicycle in a Dubai department store (that reminded me a great deal of the Sears in North Hollywood). I didn't need to know exactly what they were saying in order to understand what was being communicated. I could see the excitement in her eyes, and the pride and love in his. He saw me watching them. I flashed him a knowing smile, and he returned it. He knew that I knew we were the same.
I guess I am surprised that any of this surprises me. I don't really know what I expected, but I did expect to find vast differences in who and what people in different parts of the world were. I did not expect to find so many close similarities.
Watching the news at night, all I see is people complaining about differences. This group does things this way, and that offends that group. Hillary said this, but Obama did that. Who cares? Not that I've become some soft bellied tree hugger, but what about the similarities? Why are we so afraid of what is different that we are completely unable to focus on what we have in common and use that as a foundation on which to build? The more I look around, the more I see how we continue to divide ourselves based on differences, rather than come together based on similarities. I guess I'd have to study psychology for a fairly long time in order to even begin to understand the answers to those questions, but as an uneducated observer looking in from the outside, it seems pretty silly in most cases, don't you think?
Granted, I've also had relatively limited exposure since arriving, but comparitively speaking I've learned lots about people in the last 6 months, and what I've learned has surprised me a little, altho I'm not sure just why.
In the past few months, I've been all over the Middle East (or "Southwest Asia" for the politically correct crowd) to places like Iraq (obviously), Kuwait, Qatar, Bahrain, Turkiye (Correct spelling), Saudi Arabia, Jordan, and Georgia. The one constant I've noticed is that as a whole, people are pretty much the same. While there are some major surface differences in things like religion, moral values, language, dress, etc, when you dig down deep, we're not really all that different. We all have the same wants, needs, desires and dreams. We all need to feel loved, we all need to have someone to love, we all need to feel accepted, we all need to have some sort of hope to cling to, and the list goes on. The differences lie in how we choose or are allowed to go about pursuing those needs, but the needs themselves do not change no matter how some may try to disguise them. We're the same.
In all my travels to all these places I'd never been before, I found it extremely easy to identify things like grocery stores, restaurants, schools, apartment buildings, etc etc. Aside from a different language on the signs (and sometimes not), they looked pretty much the same as back home. Going into a mall in Manama, Bahrain, or Dubai, UAE is almost exactly like going into a mall in any US city. Same stores, same layout, same smells, and people doing the same things. Watching children playing in Tbilisi, Georgia, if you couldn't hear the language they were speaking, you could have easily mistaken them for kids playing in Anytown, USA. So many similarities, and very few differences.
A few days ago, I watched as a father bought his 4 year old daughter her first "big girl" bicycle in a Dubai department store (that reminded me a great deal of the Sears in North Hollywood). I didn't need to know exactly what they were saying in order to understand what was being communicated. I could see the excitement in her eyes, and the pride and love in his. He saw me watching them. I flashed him a knowing smile, and he returned it. He knew that I knew we were the same.
I guess I am surprised that any of this surprises me. I don't really know what I expected, but I did expect to find vast differences in who and what people in different parts of the world were. I did not expect to find so many close similarities.
Watching the news at night, all I see is people complaining about differences. This group does things this way, and that offends that group. Hillary said this, but Obama did that. Who cares? Not that I've become some soft bellied tree hugger, but what about the similarities? Why are we so afraid of what is different that we are completely unable to focus on what we have in common and use that as a foundation on which to build? The more I look around, the more I see how we continue to divide ourselves based on differences, rather than come together based on similarities. I guess I'd have to study psychology for a fairly long time in order to even begin to understand the answers to those questions, but as an uneducated observer looking in from the outside, it seems pretty silly in most cases, don't you think?
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Happy Birthday Dad, I Love You.
Dad,
As I was laying in bed trying to go to leep tonight, I couldn't stop thinking about how much I wished I could have been with you today on your birthday, so I decided I'd write and tell you.
I wanted to apologize again for not having a card or a gift for you on your special day. The card is on it's way, and the gift will be shortly, but they weren't there today when they should have been, and I feel badly. I'm sorry. That being said, there are things that no simple card can ever express, so I wanted to tell you about them now. I hope you don't mind that I shared them with the world on this blog. I just want everyone to know how very proud I am to call you my Dad.
First of all, you are now, always have been, and always will be my hero. You and Mom have taught me and raised me to be who I am today, and while I'm sure I didn't turn out quite as you'd hoped (I still can't speak Latin...), I think you did an incredible job with what you had to work with. You taught me to do the right thing. You taught me the importance of telling the truth. You showed me what it meant to be a man and a father. Big footsteps to follow in to be sure, but I try my best every day to make you proud of me.
You were (and still are) always there when I needed you. You let me sleep with you and Mom in the middle of the night when I was scared. You let me "help" you build things, even when all I did was get in the way. You put a bicycle together for me on my 6th Birthday. You let me run the trains under the Christmas tree. You drove an hour and a half to rescue me in the middle of the night when I got scared at camp. You went to every soccer game, baseball game, football game and parade even when all I did was stand in the middle of the field watching airplanes and trains. You made sure I got that double dump truck, even when there weren't any to be had. You fixed countless flat tires, broken toys, skinned knees, and hurt feelings. You soundproofed your garage for me when I just had to have that drum set. You took us on countless wonderful vacations. New York, Las Vegas, Yellowstone, Bryce, Zion, Grand Canyon, Yosemite, Salt Lake City, San Diego, San Francisco, Reno, Driving accross the country (what is it? 4 times now?) You showed me the things that were special to you. You took me golfing with you and just you at 6am on a Sunday morning, and taught me a little about the game you loved. You put me through a private school, even when I gave you every reason not to. You drove down to LAX in the middle of the night to rescue Mike, Greg and I when I wasn't paying attention and crashed the car. You pinned my WO1 bars on my shoulders. You pinned my wings on my chest. You moved me and my junk accross the country...twice.
You gave of yourself whatever it was you thought I needed, and you did so graciously and without question. You taught me the importance of doing a good job, no matter what job I was doing. You taught me to take responsibility for myself and my actions. You taught me to be proud of myself, and to stand up for what I believed in. You taught me to "think positive". You reminded me that 90% of the things we worry about never happen. You taught me the importance of just saying a prayer, and you let me decide who to pray to. You let me follow my dreams and pursue my goals, never once trying to change my mind. You let me become me because you were you.
In short Dad, you set the example for me to follow, and a simple "Thank You" will never be thanks enough. You and Mom were and are my biggest fans. I just wanted you to know that I am yours as well.
I can only hope that I can be for Jaislyn what you are to me. If I accomplish nothing else in my life, that will be enough. Thank you for who you've helped me become Dad, and thank you for who you are. I love you more than you can possibly know.
Happy Birthday.
As I was laying in bed trying to go to leep tonight, I couldn't stop thinking about how much I wished I could have been with you today on your birthday, so I decided I'd write and tell you.
I wanted to apologize again for not having a card or a gift for you on your special day. The card is on it's way, and the gift will be shortly, but they weren't there today when they should have been, and I feel badly. I'm sorry. That being said, there are things that no simple card can ever express, so I wanted to tell you about them now. I hope you don't mind that I shared them with the world on this blog. I just want everyone to know how very proud I am to call you my Dad.
First of all, you are now, always have been, and always will be my hero. You and Mom have taught me and raised me to be who I am today, and while I'm sure I didn't turn out quite as you'd hoped (I still can't speak Latin...), I think you did an incredible job with what you had to work with. You taught me to do the right thing. You taught me the importance of telling the truth. You showed me what it meant to be a man and a father. Big footsteps to follow in to be sure, but I try my best every day to make you proud of me.
You were (and still are) always there when I needed you. You let me sleep with you and Mom in the middle of the night when I was scared. You let me "help" you build things, even when all I did was get in the way. You put a bicycle together for me on my 6th Birthday. You let me run the trains under the Christmas tree. You drove an hour and a half to rescue me in the middle of the night when I got scared at camp. You went to every soccer game, baseball game, football game and parade even when all I did was stand in the middle of the field watching airplanes and trains. You made sure I got that double dump truck, even when there weren't any to be had. You fixed countless flat tires, broken toys, skinned knees, and hurt feelings. You soundproofed your garage for me when I just had to have that drum set. You took us on countless wonderful vacations. New York, Las Vegas, Yellowstone, Bryce, Zion, Grand Canyon, Yosemite, Salt Lake City, San Diego, San Francisco, Reno, Driving accross the country (what is it? 4 times now?) You showed me the things that were special to you. You took me golfing with you and just you at 6am on a Sunday morning, and taught me a little about the game you loved. You put me through a private school, even when I gave you every reason not to. You drove down to LAX in the middle of the night to rescue Mike, Greg and I when I wasn't paying attention and crashed the car. You pinned my WO1 bars on my shoulders. You pinned my wings on my chest. You moved me and my junk accross the country...twice.
You gave of yourself whatever it was you thought I needed, and you did so graciously and without question. You taught me the importance of doing a good job, no matter what job I was doing. You taught me to take responsibility for myself and my actions. You taught me to be proud of myself, and to stand up for what I believed in. You taught me to "think positive". You reminded me that 90% of the things we worry about never happen. You taught me the importance of just saying a prayer, and you let me decide who to pray to. You let me follow my dreams and pursue my goals, never once trying to change my mind. You let me become me because you were you.
In short Dad, you set the example for me to follow, and a simple "Thank You" will never be thanks enough. You and Mom were and are my biggest fans. I just wanted you to know that I am yours as well.
I can only hope that I can be for Jaislyn what you are to me. If I accomplish nothing else in my life, that will be enough. Thank you for who you've helped me become Dad, and thank you for who you are. I love you more than you can possibly know.
Happy Birthday.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Step By Step
As I sit here tonight, writing my first blog since Christmas day, I have to remind myself that we've been here in Iraq for over 3 months already. The old saying "Time flies when you're having fun" doesn't necessarily apply, because I would hardly call this experience "fun", but I've found that the time is indeed beginning to pass quickly. The irony is that at the same time, it seems like I have been gone forever, and still have an eternity and a day yet to go before I can return home.
More often these days, I am hearing people saying that they're "ready to go home." Who isn't? Sure, I miss my family like crazy. I miss doing the silly little things that most people normally don't even think twice about. I miss being able to go where I want, when I want. I even miss waking up with a little Jaislyn foot in my mouth in the middle of the night, but the fact remains that we're not yet even 1/3 of the way thru this deployment. There is nothing that can be done to shorten our time here (barring serious injury or criminal activity), so we're faced with a choice: We can ignore the calendar and maintain a positive attitude, or we can focus on and complain about things beyond our control. I choose the former, simply because I refuse to sit around and think about being miserable. Depression is a self-sustaining, downward spiral and it can ruin people in a hurry. I think being miserable is in part, a conscious descision. If you focus on the negative, and dismiss the positive, it only stands to reason that you will be unhappy with your situation whatever it may be. It's true, there aren't many positives here, and there are lots of negatives to choose from, but notice the wording..."choose". There ARE positives here, we just have to search for them and be willing to recognize them when we come across them.
Some of the positives I've found here include: The ability to talk to my family and friends on a daily basis; the chance to meet new people and make new friends; the opportunity to go to places most people will never see; the satisfaction I get from doing my job as safely and professionally as possible; the pride I feel in serving our country; the beauty of a sunset; the serenity of a night sky full of stars; the fact that I sleep in a real bed, in my own real room (as opposed to a cot in a tent); and the list goes on.
No, those are not the kinds of positive things most people would focus on. In fact, I'm sure in most normal situations, those are not things most people would even notice at all. It is amazing at how much we take for granted in our daily lives, but being in a situation like mine has a tendency to remind us of all we have to be thankful for, even the little things.
On the last leg of tonight's flight, I was listening to a song called "Jacob's Ladder", and it pretty well summed up my attitude towards this "phase" of my deployment. "All I want for tomorrow is to get it better than today, step by step, one by one, higher and higher." Each day I get thru here is one day that I'm closer to going home and seeing everyone I love again. The more I focus on the positives here, the quicker the time passes, the quicker time passes, the more positives I find. I only wish everyone here was able to see things the same way, and I hope everyone at home can find the positives in this as well.
The real challenge however, is not getting through the next 8 months, the real challenge for me will be staying focused on all the positives that surround me back home, and not taking them for granted. Step by step, one by one.
More often these days, I am hearing people saying that they're "ready to go home." Who isn't? Sure, I miss my family like crazy. I miss doing the silly little things that most people normally don't even think twice about. I miss being able to go where I want, when I want. I even miss waking up with a little Jaislyn foot in my mouth in the middle of the night, but the fact remains that we're not yet even 1/3 of the way thru this deployment. There is nothing that can be done to shorten our time here (barring serious injury or criminal activity), so we're faced with a choice: We can ignore the calendar and maintain a positive attitude, or we can focus on and complain about things beyond our control. I choose the former, simply because I refuse to sit around and think about being miserable. Depression is a self-sustaining, downward spiral and it can ruin people in a hurry. I think being miserable is in part, a conscious descision. If you focus on the negative, and dismiss the positive, it only stands to reason that you will be unhappy with your situation whatever it may be. It's true, there aren't many positives here, and there are lots of negatives to choose from, but notice the wording..."choose". There ARE positives here, we just have to search for them and be willing to recognize them when we come across them.
Some of the positives I've found here include: The ability to talk to my family and friends on a daily basis; the chance to meet new people and make new friends; the opportunity to go to places most people will never see; the satisfaction I get from doing my job as safely and professionally as possible; the pride I feel in serving our country; the beauty of a sunset; the serenity of a night sky full of stars; the fact that I sleep in a real bed, in my own real room (as opposed to a cot in a tent); and the list goes on.
No, those are not the kinds of positive things most people would focus on. In fact, I'm sure in most normal situations, those are not things most people would even notice at all. It is amazing at how much we take for granted in our daily lives, but being in a situation like mine has a tendency to remind us of all we have to be thankful for, even the little things.
On the last leg of tonight's flight, I was listening to a song called "Jacob's Ladder", and it pretty well summed up my attitude towards this "phase" of my deployment. "All I want for tomorrow is to get it better than today, step by step, one by one, higher and higher." Each day I get thru here is one day that I'm closer to going home and seeing everyone I love again. The more I focus on the positives here, the quicker the time passes, the quicker time passes, the more positives I find. I only wish everyone here was able to see things the same way, and I hope everyone at home can find the positives in this as well.
The real challenge however, is not getting through the next 8 months, the real challenge for me will be staying focused on all the positives that surround me back home, and not taking them for granted. Step by step, one by one.
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