War from 27,000'

Here on base, I live by myself in a small room. I have air conditioning, internet, cable TV, a real bed, a refrigerator, a microwave, and even a small window. In New Jersey, I would probably be paying $1500 a month to rent a room like this, not including utilities and parking. (Ok, well I certainly wouldn't be paying it, but someone likely would.) I am within short walking distance to things like Taco Bell, a laundromat, a shopette a barbershop, a fully equipped Gym, a Rec center with pool tables, ping-pong tables, computer games, video rentals, Karaoke, volleyball courts, basketball courts, etc. Life is not bad at all. That's here on base though.

About 1/2 mile from where I sleep is a real, live 3rd world war zone. From where I sit that is a hard concept to comprehend. We are very securely segregated from the outside world, so what goes on outside of the fence stays outside of the fence in most cases. I say in most cases, because everytime I start to forget where I am, I'll hear a Medevac helicopter landing at the trauma center accross the street, or I'll hear (and feel) two F-16s taking off in full afterburner. Blunt, noisy reminders that we're not in Kansas anymore Toto.

Tonight, as we were approaching Bagdhad at 27,000', my co-pilot (Who's been here as an Apache attack pilot on two previous tours) pointed out some bright flashes on the outskirts of town. "Those were IED's" he said. Now, if you're not familiar, an IED is an Improvised Explosive Device, which is the Army's nice, tidy little euphemism for "Homemade Landmine". I looked over, and saw 5 or 6 more go off. They were very bright yellowish white flashes, and from our altitude, looked somewhat like a camera flash going off accross a sporting arena. Actually, they were almost "pretty", except when I stopped to realize that I'd just watched someone get killed or at the very least, very severely injured. You see, those bombs only go off when a car drives by and triggers the device or someone pushes a button. They're very primative (usually made with parts from old cell phones or washing machines), but also very deadly. They are the biggest threat to troops on the ground, and they are the #1 reason you will not find me anywhere outside the gates of a very secure airbase.

These devices have been going off and killing people for years and years. Nothing new there. It's just that prior to tonight, those were things I read about in the newspaper or saw on CNN. I didn't expect that I would ever see them first hand, and quite honestly, I hope 27,000' is as close as I ever get to them. As I said in one of my first posts, I've been given an all-expenses-paid trip to see this war first hand, and tonight that's exactly what I did. I really wish I hadn't. It's much safer to think that those things only happen on TV, because then it's not real. Even tho I couldn't see anything but a big flash from miles away, I knew in an instant what the result of that flash was, and it gave me a knot in my stomach. Somewhere tonight, there are grieving family members and friends. I don't know who they are; Iraqi, American, British, Australian, etc, doesn't really matter. Grief is a universal emotion, it doesn't matter what language you speak or where you come from. No matter what politicians may tell you, no matter what you read in a newspaper or see on TV, this is a real, live war...still.

I debated whether or not to even write this, because I am sure it will cause a good deal of worry back home and I don't want to make anyone worry about me, but what I saw tonight affected me, and I needed to make some sort of record of it. I assure you, I am still very safe, and very secure here on base, so please don't worry. To be honest, we received what they call a "Threat Briefing" when we first arrived here, and their biggest concern for this base was a damn about 120 miles north of here. It seems the damn is very large (6th largest in the world), and in a very poor state of repair. If/when the damn fails, they say this base will be under a whopping 3 feet of water, and we'll "only" have 75 hours to get to high ground! Oooh! The horror. And me, without a bathing suit. No wait, I have one. Nevermind. Apparently, I am in more danger of getting my knees wet than anything else, so please let that be a comfort.

I also plan (when I find two minutes in a row to myself) to go volunteer at the hospital on base. Supposedly, this is the biggest and best trauma center in Iraq, and this is where all the worst cases are brought, hence the constant helicopters. It has been said that if a wounded soldier (or anyone for that matter) arrives here with a pulse, they stand a 98.7% chance of surviving. Now, having flown civilian EMS, that number sounds extremely high given the circumstances of most of the cases here, but I like it just the same. I've been warned to stay away from the hospital because of what I will see there, but being the stubborn ox that I am (ask Jamie), I've never been one to heed good advice. One of the pilots I first flew with even told me that he was asked to go help one day, and refused because "that wasn't his war". To each his own I suppose, but I need to go. I need to at least try to help people, especially as we approach the holidays. As I said in the post below, attitude is a very powerful tool, and I've seen first hand that it can also be the difference between life and death. They say the mortality rate increases around the holidays just because the injured people feel hopeless and give up. Perhaps I can change that for someone. Maybe I can't, but as the old saying goes, I'd rather try to do something good and fail than to try to do nothing and succeed. Maybe doing something to help someone live will help to offset the destruction I witnessed tonight, and will likely see many times again. I'll let you know how it goes.

525,600 Minutes...

Anyone who has seen the Broadway play "Rent" will understand where the title of this post came from. 525,600 minutes is the number of minutes in one year. Coincidently, that is exactly the amount of time I am scheduled to be here in Iraq, and so it got me thinking.

As I sit here in the little cocoon that is my room (Not complaining at all by the way), it occured to me just how big a number that is. Over half a million minutes. Over 31,000,000 seconds. Seems intimidating when we think about it in those terms, doesn't it? But we don't have to think about it that way. It's all in how we look at it. If we turn it around, we can make the numbers very small as well. 31,536,000 Seconds = 525,600 Minutes = 8760 Hours = 365 Days = 12 Months = 4 Seasons = 1 Year = 10% of a Decade = 1% of a Century = 0.1% of a Millenium, and so on and so forth. They're all exactly the same measurement of time, its just a matter of perspective really.

It's also a matter of attitude. That fact has become extremely apparent to me since arriving in Iraq. I've seen the entire spectrum as far as attitude goes. Everything from people who don't mind being here in the least and have in fact signed up to stay even longer, to people who have invented "issues" in order to attempt to get an early trip home (They're referred to as "Klingers" a la M*A*S*H). I've seen deep depression caused by the separation, and those who were happy to get away from home. It made me stop and reflect on how I was doing on the emotional front. I've been so immersed in getting the job done, I really hadn't stopped to check myself so to speak. In doing so, I realized that I was actually doing just fine. Of course I miss everyone like crazy, and there is nowhere on Earth I'd rather be than back home, but the strength of my relationships and all the support I am receiving from friends and loved ones has allowed me a level of comfort and reassurance that apparently is fairly rare.

Attitude is a funny thing. We all know the old addage about seeing the glass as half full or half empty, but it is truly amazing the difference a positive attitude can make. Dad always tells me to "Think Positive", and if that advice ever applied, it applies here. We can choose to be miserable, or we can choose to make the best of the opportunities we've been given, either way we're going to be gone the same amount of time. Before we left Fort Benning, a Chaplain told us "There are those who count the days, and then there are those who make the days count." He was exactly right, and I am doing my best to fall into the latter category.

The time is indeed starting to fly, at least on a daily basis. I had so many wonderful plans as to how to spend my spare time. I want to take online courses, excercise/lose weight, plan 2 vacations, etc. The only problem is, I haven't got any spare time to spend! I think that will change a little once we've settled into a more comfortable routine, but right now, it's all I can do to keep up with the flight schedule, and that's a good thing.

People all cope with stress differently, but I believe that how you cope depends in large part on your attitude, and that in turn depends on your "Support System" as Jamie calls it, (and it makes sense.) I think of this year away from home as a bridge, and all of you back home are my support. You're the reason I am able to do this. A bridge with no structure would soon find itself in pieces on the ground. The same is true here. A person with no support, or at least insufficient support, soon falls apart and is essentially useless as far as the mission goes, and can even go so far as to be a danger to themselves and those around them. I am extremely grateful for and lucky to have all the love and support I have in all of you back home. Thank You.

I've been on the ground here in Iraq over two weeks already, and all is well. Spirits are high, even in this Holiday season. As I said in an earlier post, being away from home, friends and family makes me reflect on and truly appreciate just how lucky I am, and that realization is perhaps the best Christmas present anyone could ask for. That being said, I am still eagerly awaiting my mid-tour leave, and cannot wait to see what my "Welcome Home" party is going to be like. If you're reading this, you're invited.

See you all in less than 0.1% of a Millenium.