It is a normal human reaction to fear the unknown. We all do it to some extent, and I am certainly no exception. It is interesting (at least to me,) to attempt to dissect that fear to it's most basic levels and determine exactly what it is I'm actually afraid of and why. In doing so, I find I am usually able to quell those fears significantly, if not do away with them altogether. Unfortunately, I am my best lab rat. That is to say, my "process of elimination" does not seem to transfer well to those around me. They're still worried about me and I can't make that go away. Perhaps in this post I can shed some light for them, and help them to better understand what it is I am truly afraid of.
In talking to people in my day to day dealings, my pending deployment occasionally becomes the topic of discussion. Almost invariably, those without a military background will ask if I am scared (Those with a military background already know the answer.) Yes. I am. But...
Am I afraid of being shot down? (The most common question) Not at all. My airplane has the newest, state of the art defensive gadgets on it, and we are not considered a "high value" target anyway... other words, we're not worth wasting a missile on.
Am I afraid of road side bombs? No. As a pilot, I am not allowed off base except to fly, so road side bombs really are no threat to me.
Am I afraid of being taken hostage? Nope. Again, not allowed off base in Iraq, so no worries there, unless you count being forced to eat in the mess hall a "hostage situation". In that case, I am afraid, but it still beats MREs.
Truth be told, I am not afraid of anything in or around Iraq. The Army does pretty well when it comes to protecting it's own, and they've only had 5 years to figure this base out. I'm not going into some brand new combat zone, I'm "moving in" to an established airbase, complete with swimming pool, movie theater, internet, bowling alley, and air conditioned rooms. Maybe not the Holiday Inn Express, but what the heck, it's free. Besides, the Air Force lets its people stay there, so how bad can it be?
Well then you may ask, what is it I am afraid of? I am afraid of being helpless if I am needed at home. My biggest fear in all of this is that something will happen at home that I could have somehow prevented had I been there. Pretty irrational huh? I think so, but it's there nonetheless. Common sense tells me that life can and will go on without me around to supervise, and there is an excellent chance that it will do so just as sucessfully as ever (maybe even moreso?... nah....)
To combat this ever-present fear, all I have to do is remind myself of the wonderful support systems we have in place here at home. All the family and friends who've been praying for us and who've volunteered to watch out for Jamie, Jaislyn, Mom, Dad and Shannon while I'm gone, I can't thank you enough. It is because of you all that I am able to do this. If I was left to just constantly sit and wonder if everyone was alright, they'd take my wings and issue me a brand new jacket with cuffs in the back. Knowing that there is so much love and support for my family makes all the difference in the world to me. The Army is my job, my family and friends are my life. I am humbled by and eternally grateful for all the kind comments I've received from this blog, and for the overwhelming show of support I've/we've received in general. I will sleep well knowing that so many incredible people are here looking out for my loved ones. Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart.
People sometimes tell me that I'm some sort of "hero", but all I am doing is a job I've been trained and paid to do. I assure you, I am no hero but appreciate the sentiments just the same. The true heroes are the ones who did not volunteer yet still must endure. They are my strength. They are my heroes. Thank you all in advance for taking such wonderful care of them while I am away. With you all behind me, I have no fear.
In talking to people in my day to day dealings, my pending deployment occasionally becomes the topic of discussion. Almost invariably, those without a military background will ask if I am scared (Those with a military background already know the answer.) Yes. I am. But...
Am I afraid of being shot down? (The most common question) Not at all. My airplane has the newest, state of the art defensive gadgets on it, and we are not considered a "high value" target anyway... other words, we're not worth wasting a missile on.
Am I afraid of road side bombs? No. As a pilot, I am not allowed off base except to fly, so road side bombs really are no threat to me.
Am I afraid of being taken hostage? Nope. Again, not allowed off base in Iraq, so no worries there, unless you count being forced to eat in the mess hall a "hostage situation". In that case, I am afraid, but it still beats MREs.
Truth be told, I am not afraid of anything in or around Iraq. The Army does pretty well when it comes to protecting it's own, and they've only had 5 years to figure this base out. I'm not going into some brand new combat zone, I'm "moving in" to an established airbase, complete with swimming pool, movie theater, internet, bowling alley, and air conditioned rooms. Maybe not the Holiday Inn Express, but what the heck, it's free. Besides, the Air Force lets its people stay there, so how bad can it be?
Well then you may ask, what is it I am afraid of? I am afraid of being helpless if I am needed at home. My biggest fear in all of this is that something will happen at home that I could have somehow prevented had I been there. Pretty irrational huh? I think so, but it's there nonetheless. Common sense tells me that life can and will go on without me around to supervise, and there is an excellent chance that it will do so just as sucessfully as ever (maybe even moreso?... nah....)
To combat this ever-present fear, all I have to do is remind myself of the wonderful support systems we have in place here at home. All the family and friends who've been praying for us and who've volunteered to watch out for Jamie, Jaislyn, Mom, Dad and Shannon while I'm gone, I can't thank you enough. It is because of you all that I am able to do this. If I was left to just constantly sit and wonder if everyone was alright, they'd take my wings and issue me a brand new jacket with cuffs in the back. Knowing that there is so much love and support for my family makes all the difference in the world to me. The Army is my job, my family and friends are my life. I am humbled by and eternally grateful for all the kind comments I've received from this blog, and for the overwhelming show of support I've/we've received in general. I will sleep well knowing that so many incredible people are here looking out for my loved ones. Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart.
People sometimes tell me that I'm some sort of "hero", but all I am doing is a job I've been trained and paid to do. I assure you, I am no hero but appreciate the sentiments just the same. The true heroes are the ones who did not volunteer yet still must endure. They are my strength. They are my heroes. Thank you all in advance for taking such wonderful care of them while I am away. With you all behind me, I have no fear.
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