The Stages

Something I've learned a lot about in the last year are the stages we go thru when faced with a major shift in our day to day realities. Here is how I've broken them down so far:

1. Denial - "I'll believe it when I see it", "Things will change before then", etc. We try to make ourselves feel better by pretending it won't happen. Sometimes we're right, most times we're not. I was hoping this deployment would be like my last in January, and get put off another year or so. This was not to be.

2. Acceptance - "Ok, so I have to go. Now what?" "There's nothing I can do about it?" For me, this was a period of a kind of mild depression. I don't want to leave everybody. I don't know what to expect. I felt kinda trapped, or "sentenced" (again with the legal stuff). The realization that it WAS going to happen combined with the fear of the unknown was a powerful and relatively new experience for me. This wasn't just happening to people I knew, it wasn't just on TV anymore. I was going to get an all expenses paid vacation to go see it all first hand. Wow.

3. Preparation - A little more reality setting in. Yes, I'm going. Ok. I've dealt with that, now what? What to bring? What to do? Where will I live? What will we be doing? Can I call home regularly? What is there to eat? (hey, we all have our priorities) What's the weather like? As I said in an earlier post, lots of questions.

As I am still on step 3, all the following steps are just purely what I imagine them to be based on stories I've heard. Will keep you updated as I progress thru them.

4. Mobilization - This is the "official" getting ready place. This is where we go to make sure all our paperwork (and there is LOTS of paperwork) is in order, make sure all our shots are up to date, make sure we know how to be nice to Mohammed and Achmed so we don't offend them, take care of legal, dental, etc etc etc. A very busy time to say the least. Oh yeah, and if that weren't enough, this is when we are supposed to find a little more time to spend with our families, because this is the "jumping off point". What I want to know is, jumping off of what??

5. Deployment - Getting settled into my room; letting everyone know where I am; learning the new rules (I just got a 120 page handbook on the rules at our base. Unfortunately, I am not allowed to send body parts from Iraqi soldiers home as souvenirs...Yes, it actually said that in the book. Which means some sick dunce has tried it already...); learning my way around base; learning how to fly there, etc etc. This is yet another intense learning stage.

6. Post Deployment rut - The homesick phase. Ok. We're here, we know what we need to know. We're still not used to it, but now all there is to do is fly, eat and sleep. Oh yeah, and miss everyone back home.

7. A Routine - We've been here for a little while and things are going smoothly now. We're not as homesick as we were at first, and we're making friends and getting into a routine. Things are not quite as doom and gloom as they first seemed. We're going to be ok. We're doing the job, and it's not all that bad.

8. Mid Tour Leave - This is what I've been looking forward to. This has been the motivation that's gotten me thru the first part of the deployment. I've been thinking about this not as a 1 year deployment, but rather as two, very closely spaced 6 month deployments. A large amount of my free time has been spent planning our trip (we're all meeting in Europe) down to the minute, mostly just so I have something to do and something to look forward to. As long as I have an attainable goal to work towards and look forward to, I've found I am capable of dealing with all kinds of obstacles and hardships with little problem. I'm sure that will be true in this case as well.

9. Back to the Routine - Refreshed, and now on the downhill side of the mountain. But now what will I do with my free time? Well, there's a few business ideas I've been toying with, and another vacation that has been in the "idea" stage for sometime now, and I think this will be the perfect time to advance it into the planning stages. Jamie, Moms and Dad know exactly what this is. Houseboat! (Summer 2009 in British Columbia if anyone is interested in joining us!)

10. Getting Ready to Come Home - Doing everything I did when I first got here, in reverse. Shipping all of my large items home, going thru all of the "How to be a civilian again" classes, doing MORE paperwork, and most importantly, counting the days, hours, minues and seconds.

11. Coming Home - Cue the marching band, flags, etc etc. In reality, as long as I have a fairly comfortable seat on the plane and my Ipod battery is charged, all I care about is getting back home and seeing everybody. Just a day filled with hugs, laughs, and relief. Thats all I ask.

12. Reintroduction - Ok, party's over. Time to get back to reality here. What's changed? What have I missed? I've been gone for a year, so I cannot just jump back in and expect things to be the way they were when I left. I've changed and so has everyone else. Time to get reacquainted and get to know each other on a non-telephonic basis again. This will be an awkward stage, but if handled delicately, it should be fairly painless.

13. Establishing Normality - Getting back into a routine here at home. Going back to work, and settling in as the Dada once again, and hopefully remembering all the lessons I've learned in this long, difficult process and taking the time to stop and just enjoy my family.

Note: I had to add a 13th step, just because I didn't want this to be a 12 step program. ;-)